devan

my first impression of devan was he was loud, obnoxious, and what i would call a “fuck boy”. i felt like after spending a good solid half hour with him, where he played the music i wanted to listen to and asked me about myself, he obviously wanted one thing from me. after that awkward, brief meeting, i decided that devan wasn’t someone i really wanted to associate with.  i couldn’t have been more wrong.

one night i had acquired a chapstick that wasn’t mine, katie told me it was devan’s.
“who?” i asked her.
“you know, devan, alice’s brother.”
“oh,” i honestly was caught off guard, after my first impression of him, i assumed that katie wouldn’t want anything to do with him either.
telling by the tone of my voice katie spoke up on his behalf and said, “y’know, he’s not how he seems. you should really get to know him. he legitimately has the biggest crush on you he can’t even see straight, he thinks you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. and you know what he told me? he told me you’ve obviously never been treated right by a man, and he was going to be the one that showed you what it was like.” i kind of scoffed her off, like yeah right. he’s just saying that to you because you’re my sister. he’s trying to butter you up to put in a good word for him. hah. he thinks i don’t know all the tricks to trying to sleep with me. “and you know lex,” she started again, “i really genuinely believed him. and you know i’m a good judge of character. please try to get to know him.”
“i’m trying to focus on me right now, i’m not really into dating.”
“you don’t have to. i just think he would be a really great friend or person to have in your life.”

purely on katie’s instinct, later that night when he texted me asking if i wanted to hang out, i said yes. he came over, and i realized wow maybe he isn’t so bad. i like his energy and he’s good company. and it was like clockwork every night, devan would come over and we’d hang out until i was tired and ready for bed. slowly but surely, i found myself wanting to spend more and more time with devan.

one night we went to fat cat’s and played pool. and let me just say two things – first, i’m a very good pool player, i grew up with one in my house and second, i don’t get nervous – not over anything. well, when i started getting nervous playing pool, i looked up and he was staring at me. after that, i was always nervous around him and i thought it was because i always caught him staring at me, but after thinking over it for multiple nights and a conversation with katie did i realize it was devan that made me nervous.

after, what i’ve been told was a long state of denial, i came to the conclusion i was genuinely romantically interested in devan. he made me laugh and smile, he made my day better, and when he wasn’t around i found myself hoping i would see him again sooner than later.

devan still makes me nervous when i catch him staring at me, he gives me butterflies when he touches me. he makes me feel like a little, giddy school girl. but that’s not even the best part about my relationship with devan. he’s my bro and my friend who tells me real shit when i need to hear it. he’s my teacher and talks through all my problems with me until i find the solution that i need. he always makes sure i’m taken care of, even if at his sacrifice. he loses sleep to hang out with me. he deals with my emotional volcano eruptions without any backlash at me. and, i think one of the best parts about devan, is that no matter how i’m feeling with him, i can always approach him and know we’ll sit and talk about the situation until we both feel like we’re walking away with a more rooted relationship. it’s really great. he’s my boo thang pretty much.

the best way i can describe how i feel about devan, is i literally can’t believe there was a time that i didn’t love him. that there was a time that i couldn’t see the beautiful power in his soul that’s going to change this earth.

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